is it all that simple?

life is simple.

i would believe that statement with my whole heart & mind two years back. in fact, i think i lived in a bubble back then. in my own world, where calculations were made by only plus and minuses, where human relations came across as having only one layer to it- a surface layer. i was just satisfied with that, because i was seeking for nothing, because i thought i had everything. my parents were my best friends, my canopy sheltering me from the harsh wind and the rain.

i was happy 99% of the time. i wasnt worried about anything. the world seemed almost perfect to me. a peaceful, serene place & love covered every nook and cranny, pushing spider webs aside.

i was idealistic then. whenever troubles came, i brushed it off gleefully. thinking that my parents would take care of everything, my God would be there.

simply put, i led a carefree life.

until this. until i was pushed into this dangerous reality.

i never thought my outlook on life would change so drastically. now i'm questioning. why do many say that life is simple when there's so much hurt contained in every heart? when pain is present in situations of conflict? when in reality, confusion leads us little people in directions which more often than not, brings us back to square one - never progressing?
how can we pretend that we don't see all of this - how can we compress all these situations into a single statement and just end it there, as if nobody's hurting inside?as if theyre no wounds to be healed?

how are able to say that life is simple, when youre aware of all these that goes around you? arent you just escaping from reality into that little bubble once more where everything's one dimentional again?

i can choose to go back in there if i will myself to - that way i would be naive to this harsh reality & my happiness would resume.

but i choose not to. i choose to not let my heart be unfeeling, but to leave it exposed & tender - to the pain, the sadness, and all the complications that the world carries. and i'll deal with it & move on. knowing that in pain, perserverance is produced. in sadness, joy is treasured. in love, an experience is gained, and a heart sacrificed. i take these experiences seriously.

and in all these, i know that God is watching my back. life is complicated. i've never ignore that fact. however, i'll always rely on simple faith to get me through every complicated situation.

this is where i depend on you, Father, every single day. every single minute. every single second.

(out of all the places You could ever choose to live, You chose my heart. i'm forever grateful)

when you have to get rid of a tape that's glued to your heart,
you tear it fast and hard
and when the pain comes to it's peak
you take consolation in the fact that
it'll go away
eventually.

love

a dear friend once asked me, that if i had a choice, would i choose to love a person more, or would i want the person to love me more.
i answered that i would rather love someone more than the love i would be receiving,because loving someone is such a beautiful thing.

when i say beautiful, i don't mean that it isn't painful. i don't mean that i wouldnt be suffering. i don't mean that i wouldnt be hurting. no. i say beautiful because there is something so magical, so fufilling about loving someone, even though it isnt reciprocated. you're wanting to give more and more of yourself, even though you know that your unconditional offers wouldnt be appreciated. no matter how bitter rejection tastes like, how strong the push, love would pull your heart back up, and give you a reason to try again, and again, and again...

love calls for desperation. and i believe desperation isnt a sign of weakness. it's a sign of passion and courage. love causes you to be desperate for that person -to want to cover & protect that someone, to want to lead someone to the right direction, no matter how much it costs...
no matter how much she/he hates you.

love keeps secrets that are hidden from all views..because it doesnt want to reveal itself or complications may arise.
it would never set out to harm, or to steal away your happiness. it's considerate, polite -no matter how much it pinches. with good intentions, love strides along beside you. you may misunderstand, and it may feel the pain, but love doesnt seek to explain. it only seeks to understand. it would go to any length remove any barrier hindering --

love is not forceful. instead, it lets you have the freedom to choose- because it simply wants you to be happy & satisfied.

i'm perfectly content loving you.

i've always wondered about the saying that we should love the Father because He first loved us,
and i found the reason out quite some time back.

love compells.

when such a strong and passionate love is displayed, i can't help but feel compelled to give back the love that is given. this overwhelming power of love never fails to bring me to my knees.

the only conflict that love is able to bring about would be when two fish lovers fight to give each other the only fish that is left on the plate.

love is like an endless discovery centre;
and i wouldnt want to stop the discovery till the day i die.

"I asked for Strength-
and God gave me difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for wisdom-
and God gave me problems to solve.
I asked for prosperity-
and God gave me brain and brawn to work.
I asked for courage-
and God gave me dangers to overcome.
I asked for love-
and God gave me opportunities.
I received nothing I wanted-
I received everything I needed.
My prayer has been answered"

~From the Family of Michael Job, an Indian Christian Medical Student who was killed in June of 1999 because of his Father's Evangelistic Activities~

copy & paste

You and I are on a great climb. The wall is high, and the stakes are higher. You took your first step the day you confessed Christ as the Son of God. He gave you His harness - the Holy Spirit. In your hands He placed a rope - His Word.Your first steps were confident and strong, but with the journey came weariness, and with the height came fear. You lost your footing. You lost your focus. You lost your grip, and you fell. For a moment, which seemed like forever, you tumbled wildly. Out of control. Out of self-control. Disoriented. Dislodged. Falling. But then the rope tightened, and the tumbled ceased. You hung in the harness and found it to be strong. You grasped the rope and found it to be true. You looked at your guide and found Jesus securing your soul. With a sheepish confession, You smiled at Him and He smiled at you, and the journey resumed.Now you are wiser. You have learned to go slowly. You are careful. You are cautious, but you are all confident. You trust the rope. You rely on the harness. And though you can't see your guide, you know Him. You know He is strong. You know He is able to keep you from falling. And you know you are only a few more steps from the top. So whatever you do, don't quit. Though your falls are great, His strength is greater. You will make it. You will see the summit. You will stand at the top. And when you get there, the first thing you'll do is join with all the others who have made the climb and sing this verse:

"To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy - to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen" (Jude 24 NIV)

-Nam.

if youre reading this, thanks. your post encouraged me alot. the sincerity behind it is awesome. keep writing!!

mirrors don't only hang on walls

the mirror disfigures even further as the corrosive sand threatens to scratch away whatever's left of it's reflectivity. yet another massive wave of wind swipes pass, and this time the unassuming rocks nearby gets caught in the game. yet another auccuser, yet another victim. awful scratches now makes the mirror scramble to find a safe position where it's usefulness would not be hidden beneath ugly remnants of broken glass. no, it mustn't let it's beauty be brought under by the natural forces of this world.

her purpose must remain.
reflections must still be brought forth or nobody would see their true colours;
ugly, filthy rags they all are.
but, she couldnt do this anymore- she was now not a full complete mirror but merely shards of glass, or could she?

she meets a shipwrecked man not long after. a dying soul, a dying body. hunger slapped it's mould over his emaciated body, and thirst was labelled all over his chapped lips. a shiny object caused him to hope, and his gaunt body sprang to recieve what the mirror had to offer.

the already broken, tainted piece of glass he saw as a beautiful object. he needs to be saved.

the sun stood incandescent in sky, it's intensity stealing the attention of the man. hope was waiting.

the position of the mirror came face to face with the glory of the sun and before she knew it, fire consumed her. she knew there and then that this, was what she was called for. even though she was broken, shattered & of no value, even though she couldnt be used to reflect for the knowledge of exteriors, she managed to change an interior just by glancing at the sun in submittance.

two outcomes resulted: 1) the saving of a man 2) she, consumed by fire.

we may seem broken, tainted, with our insides crumbling & hope fading. but keep your hopes up. God uses more so the broken if submittance is evident. and if we are constantly looking His way daily, He'll consume us afresh & anew everyday.

so be a mirror today! If the lost see the reflection of Christ in you , they will recognise hope, and that is when you'll point them to Christ, and bring them to safety!!

divinia's back

[Hannaha Banana Wongster Gong Gong] "If God bids me fly, I will trust Him for the wings" says:
u pierced a dagger into my heart=(
sigh..
fine..
Divinia says:
=)
wheeee
[Hannaha Banana Wongster Gong Gong] "If God bids me fly, I will trust Him for the wings" says:
HAHA.
WAH LAO
so happy.
you're sadistic
Divinia says:
HAHAH =)
it's the first time i've come this close to doing an operation
and becoming a doc
[Hannaha Banana Wongster Gong Gong] "If God bids me fly, I will trust Him for the wings" says:
RIGHT.
congrats
hahahha
Divinia says:
=))
[Hannaha Banana Wongster Gong Gong] "If God bids me fly, I will trust Him for the wings" says:
what was for dinner?
Divinia says:
rice rice and ..
hannah's heart
[Hannaha Banana Wongster Gong Gong] "If God bids me fly, I will trust Him for the wings" says:
EW
was it nice?>
Divinia says:
chewy
and bitter