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Monday, July 27, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Sunday, July 19, 2009
a good weekend
these few days have been really really busy. on top of that, i found out that my schedule's filled till schl starts, with only one or two days to take a breather :( however, these few days are passing joyfully, with an awesome knowledge that the God is with me. His peace, joy and love has been felt even more in this past weekend, and im so grateful for His presence and His assurance.
yesterday during BS, Auntie Kum Lin talked about loving the unlovable. this point came about when we were talking about the Beatitudes. (Matt 5:7) Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. this point convicted me strongly, and at that point i reflected on whether i've been fufilling this command, if i've been choosing to care largely for certain individuals that i choose, and not do the same for the rest. God revealed to me that i've been sacrificing more of my time, my effort, to reach out and to care more for those whom i feel i have a 'connection' with, and those who i can click better with. This is quite disturbing as ive lacked effort in reaching out to those who i feel are better taken care of in the hands of others due to different personalities. However the Scripture commands me to love everyone regardless of who they are.. and to love would mean to spend time with them, to show equal care and concern as i would if im in that situation.
During worship today i was reflecting again on this, and i was asking God to teach me to love unconditionally. to love the unlovable, and not to pick and choose who to love more. I felt as if i was hitting a brick wall when i asked God to teach me, until the Holy Spirit instructed me to receive His love. to not struggle with trying to conjure up more love in myself, but to receive from the source of Love. and that reminded me of the verse - Not by might, Nor by power, but by the Spirit.
I was so encouraged by that. so encouraged that I had a bigger God who could help me in whatever i fail to do, and in also my weaknesses & faults.
such a patient God, we serve :)
would like to end with this song by Chris Tomlin - Made to Worship. was listening to this while gg to church (introed it to my mom too!!) and i hereby declare, this is my current crush. (on the fact that it speeds up my heart rate)
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Varsity Christian Fellowship FOC!!
fantastic camp.
The Message
the way they dig into the word.. it inspires me. the teaching/preaching by this guy tt is now studying theology in scotland was REALLY good.
topic one: why christians study (day 1)
topic two: engaging God's world - our small hopes and God's shalomic kingdom (day 2)
topic three: waiting on God - an exposition of Isaiah 40:27-31 (day 3)
topic three impacted me the most... think i shall share some of the notes i took here.. be blessed!
theme verse - Isaiah 40:27 to 31. Why do you say, O Jacob, and complain, O Israel, "My way is hidden from the Lord, my cause is disregarded by my God"? Do you not know? have you not heard? the Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. they will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
Introduction. historical backgrd
Isaiah- a book based on prophecy. plight of Israel- moving into exile/ destruction. they have forsaken the Lord and turned away from Him.
Isaiah 1:10 - theyre compared to Sodom. whole of Isaiah 1- emphasis on religious practice and ritual. hearts distant although they mantain religious practices.
Israel's position (v27) - shattered hopes and dreams. their position of exile's a way of God disciplining His pple.
Israel perplexed - in the stage of exile. perplexed due to the tension of their beliefs. theyre no longer in the rhelm of God's blessings, therefore theyre confused. davidic convenant in 2 samuel 7 states that God would bless them and discipline them (defn of Fatherhood of God) to bring them to maturity. however, Israel forgot about the discipline part and thought that the blessings of God would always be upon them. thought that God favours His pple at the expense of His Holiness and His justice. Christian life therefore should be a time of refinement and blessings. crisis of our faith because of our inbalanced picture of God?
Israel's problem (v28-29) --"Do you not know, Have you not heard?"-- that cry is an expression of a fundamental problem in Israel's spirituality.
1) lack of trust in God's omnipotent power. turning to men, not God. had political alliances that day- trusted & depended more on them than on God. v15- Prophet challenging viewpoint of human powers-- the nations are described as inconsequential and insignificant, contrasted with God.
2) did not trust in God's wisdom (v28)
William Caper: Judge not the Lord by our feeble senses. saints in the past- after experiencing Gods power, they give a name to God. they knew the essence of God. made a personal discovery.
3) does not trust God in His benevolence. rooted in Gen chp 3. Adam and Eve did not trust that God was a good God and He knew whats best for us. think God is out to get us.
Israel's promise (v30-31)
God would give them strength beyond what they have. contrast btwn youth vs eagle. if you rely on own strength, can only go as far as your tow feet can bring, compared to the distance the eagle can bring. goes much furthur than your native energy can carry you.
Israel's posture- wait.
original meaning of 'renew' in hebrew- changing energy source, not topping up of energy.
Israel- must change their energy source and rely on God! need to let Him finish His work of providence in their life. eagles fly slowest when theyre flapping their wings and not relying on the wind.
C.S Lewis- "Christian life has never been tried and found wanting, but it has always been found to difficult to be tried."
Workshop - social actions
i signed up for the social actions workshop. had many interesting discussions & watched parts of 'amazing grace'- the life of William Wilberforce. rly respect and admire him. his perserverance, his sacrificial heart. reminds me not to be so inward looking in my Christian life, but to also observe my surroundings and the places God has put me at in society, to use my position to glorify God.
some good quotes...
'To our most bitter opponents we will say: "throw us in jail and we will still love you. bomb our houses and threaten our children and we will still love you. beat us and leave us half dead and we will still love you. but be ye assured that we will wear you down by our capacity to suffer. one day we shall so appeal to your heart and conscience that we shall win you in the process, and our victory will be a double victory.'
- Dr Martin Luther King Jr.
"If the Christian mission is to be modelled on Christ's mission, it will surely involve for us, as it did for him, an entering into other people's worlds. In evangelism it will mean entering their thought world, and the world of their tradegy and lostness, in order to share Christ with them where they are. In social activity it will mean a willingness to renounce the comfort and security of our own cutural backgrd in order to give ourselves in service to pple of another culture, whose needs we may never before have known or experienced. Incarnational mission, whether evangelistic or social or both, necessitates a costly identification with pple in their actual situations. Jesus of Nazareth was moved with compassion by the sight of needy human beings, whether sick or bereaved, hungry, harassed or helpless; should not his pple's compassion by aroused by the same sights?" -- Issues facing Christians Today.
"In our postmordern age, there is a confusion betwwen tolerance and laissez-faire to such an extent that it is sometimes believed that to disagree with somebody is to be intolerant of them. true tolerance, which respects the views of others while disagreeing with them, has be come an empty tolerance which does not bother to engage and amounts to indifference.."
Friends
I made amazing friendships!!!! with my og and with random pple outside my og. it's so heartwarming to know that there are so many sincere Christians out there chasing after God- the best common denominator! :)
Inter-denominational
once again, i think it's really cool to see pple from all denominations gathering together. although our beliefs are rather different, and it may be challenging sometimes, the more impt thing is that we believe in the same God, trust in the same God, & love Jesus. God looks at the heart, not the outward manifestations that we mostly differ from. Sincere hearts that hunger after Him, that longs to do His will. Obedient submissive beings, hearts that respect Him and treats Him seriously, souls that truly seeks Him because of who He is, and not what He can give.
Im truly humbled by this camp. the sacrifices that i see pple give to God, the respect and honour that they bring to God...
there's loads more i can share if time permits. but yea thats it for now.. :)
The Message
the way they dig into the word.. it inspires me. the teaching/preaching by this guy tt is now studying theology in scotland was REALLY good.
topic one: why christians study (day 1)
topic two: engaging God's world - our small hopes and God's shalomic kingdom (day 2)
topic three: waiting on God - an exposition of Isaiah 40:27-31 (day 3)
topic three impacted me the most... think i shall share some of the notes i took here.. be blessed!
theme verse - Isaiah 40:27 to 31. Why do you say, O Jacob, and complain, O Israel, "My way is hidden from the Lord, my cause is disregarded by my God"? Do you not know? have you not heard? the Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. they will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
Introduction. historical backgrd
Isaiah- a book based on prophecy. plight of Israel- moving into exile/ destruction. they have forsaken the Lord and turned away from Him.
Isaiah 1:10 - theyre compared to Sodom. whole of Isaiah 1- emphasis on religious practice and ritual. hearts distant although they mantain religious practices.
Israel's position (v27) - shattered hopes and dreams. their position of exile's a way of God disciplining His pple.
Israel perplexed - in the stage of exile. perplexed due to the tension of their beliefs. theyre no longer in the rhelm of God's blessings, therefore theyre confused. davidic convenant in 2 samuel 7 states that God would bless them and discipline them (defn of Fatherhood of God) to bring them to maturity. however, Israel forgot about the discipline part and thought that the blessings of God would always be upon them. thought that God favours His pple at the expense of His Holiness and His justice. Christian life therefore should be a time of refinement and blessings. crisis of our faith because of our inbalanced picture of God?
Israel's problem (v28-29) --"Do you not know, Have you not heard?"-- that cry is an expression of a fundamental problem in Israel's spirituality.
1) lack of trust in God's omnipotent power. turning to men, not God. had political alliances that day- trusted & depended more on them than on God. v15- Prophet challenging viewpoint of human powers-- the nations are described as inconsequential and insignificant, contrasted with God.
2) did not trust in God's wisdom (v28)
William Caper: Judge not the Lord by our feeble senses. saints in the past- after experiencing Gods power, they give a name to God. they knew the essence of God. made a personal discovery.
3) does not trust God in His benevolence. rooted in Gen chp 3. Adam and Eve did not trust that God was a good God and He knew whats best for us. think God is out to get us.
Israel's promise (v30-31)
God would give them strength beyond what they have. contrast btwn youth vs eagle. if you rely on own strength, can only go as far as your tow feet can bring, compared to the distance the eagle can bring. goes much furthur than your native energy can carry you.
Israel's posture- wait.
original meaning of 'renew' in hebrew- changing energy source, not topping up of energy.
Israel- must change their energy source and rely on God! need to let Him finish His work of providence in their life. eagles fly slowest when theyre flapping their wings and not relying on the wind.
C.S Lewis- "Christian life has never been tried and found wanting, but it has always been found to difficult to be tried."
Workshop - social actions
i signed up for the social actions workshop. had many interesting discussions & watched parts of 'amazing grace'- the life of William Wilberforce. rly respect and admire him. his perserverance, his sacrificial heart. reminds me not to be so inward looking in my Christian life, but to also observe my surroundings and the places God has put me at in society, to use my position to glorify God.
some good quotes...
'To our most bitter opponents we will say: "throw us in jail and we will still love you. bomb our houses and threaten our children and we will still love you. beat us and leave us half dead and we will still love you. but be ye assured that we will wear you down by our capacity to suffer. one day we shall so appeal to your heart and conscience that we shall win you in the process, and our victory will be a double victory.'
- Dr Martin Luther King Jr.
"If the Christian mission is to be modelled on Christ's mission, it will surely involve for us, as it did for him, an entering into other people's worlds. In evangelism it will mean entering their thought world, and the world of their tradegy and lostness, in order to share Christ with them where they are. In social activity it will mean a willingness to renounce the comfort and security of our own cutural backgrd in order to give ourselves in service to pple of another culture, whose needs we may never before have known or experienced. Incarnational mission, whether evangelistic or social or both, necessitates a costly identification with pple in their actual situations. Jesus of Nazareth was moved with compassion by the sight of needy human beings, whether sick or bereaved, hungry, harassed or helpless; should not his pple's compassion by aroused by the same sights?" -- Issues facing Christians Today.
"In our postmordern age, there is a confusion betwwen tolerance and laissez-faire to such an extent that it is sometimes believed that to disagree with somebody is to be intolerant of them. true tolerance, which respects the views of others while disagreeing with them, has be come an empty tolerance which does not bother to engage and amounts to indifference.."
Friends
I made amazing friendships!!!! with my og and with random pple outside my og. it's so heartwarming to know that there are so many sincere Christians out there chasing after God- the best common denominator! :)
Inter-denominational
once again, i think it's really cool to see pple from all denominations gathering together. although our beliefs are rather different, and it may be challenging sometimes, the more impt thing is that we believe in the same God, trust in the same God, & love Jesus. God looks at the heart, not the outward manifestations that we mostly differ from. Sincere hearts that hunger after Him, that longs to do His will. Obedient submissive beings, hearts that respect Him and treats Him seriously, souls that truly seeks Him because of who He is, and not what He can give.
Im truly humbled by this camp. the sacrifices that i see pple give to God, the respect and honour that they bring to God...
there's loads more i can share if time permits. but yea thats it for now.. :)
Thursday, July 9, 2009
after 8 months ... after 8 short months..
disclaimer: *the remaining no. of days is brought about by minusing the vcf camp, all the various uni talks and stuff, and days where i will be busy.
OMGOSH I HAVE ONLY *FIVE WHOLE DAYS LEFT TO REST, MEET UP WITH PPLE, DO THE STUFF THAT I WANNA DO, GET READY FOR SCHOOL & HAVE FUN BEFORE I START SCHOOOL AHHHH SOMEONE PINCH ME THE HOLS ARE GOING WAYY TOO FAST...
i got to treasure this 24x5 hours of slacking time before the books dominate once again :(
OMGOSH I HAVE ONLY *FIVE WHOLE DAYS LEFT TO REST, MEET UP WITH PPLE, DO THE STUFF THAT I WANNA DO, GET READY FOR SCHOOL & HAVE FUN BEFORE I START SCHOOOL AHHHH SOMEONE PINCH ME THE HOLS ARE GOING WAYY TOO FAST...
i got to treasure this 24x5 hours of slacking time before the books dominate once again :(
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Taste the Source!
back from an awesome camp, an interesting camp, a camp tt spoke tons to me although it lasted for only two days and a half. i'm gonna try to make this post as detailed as possible :)
Met my grp at clementi mrt. was really lost cos they werent holding any signs or smthing so i was caught in the middle of two grps which, after some time, i realized were not my grps hahah. met this really funky girl who started smiling at me & after we found out that we were both gg to the same camp we asked arnd so as to look for our grp. hahah. found my grp members after awhile(CG09) - Limin, Joey, Ming Han & DAVID (im sry i left you out!! =()
ok now i feel that im blogging on details that are really quite unimportant.. lol. so i'm gna just summarize the day and talk about the experiences i had and the stuff i've learnt, and my general opinions about this camp. :)
upon reaching the camp site, two other grp members arrived. one of which was Wee Shi aka Grace. now THIS was such a coincidence, cos she was from GM - two years my senior- and she was from choir!!! when we saw each other we were shocked laaa hahaahah it was a really pleasant surprise to see her again. :) a divine appointment i must say. the other grp member was from AC, which was also called Grace.
for the rest of the day we had worship, ice breakers, games, sharing, supper..etc. the sharing & praying for each other part was fantastic. i was really encouraged by all the testimonies & experiences tt CG9 had. i had a great time getting to know all of them. they're really really nice pple.. heh. and the creation of our cheer was a really funny experience i must say... hahaha. all those crazy ideas...
slept arnd 12plus.
Day 1
Met my grp at clementi mrt. was really lost cos they werent holding any signs or smthing so i was caught in the middle of two grps which, after some time, i realized were not my grps hahah. met this really funky girl who started smiling at me & after we found out that we were both gg to the same camp we asked arnd so as to look for our grp. hahah. found my grp members after awhile(CG09) - Limin, Joey, Ming Han & DAVID (im sry i left you out!! =()
ok now i feel that im blogging on details that are really quite unimportant.. lol. so i'm gna just summarize the day and talk about the experiences i had and the stuff i've learnt, and my general opinions about this camp. :)
upon reaching the camp site, two other grp members arrived. one of which was Wee Shi aka Grace. now THIS was such a coincidence, cos she was from GM - two years my senior- and she was from choir!!! when we saw each other we were shocked laaa hahaahah it was a really pleasant surprise to see her again. :) a divine appointment i must say. the other grp member was from AC, which was also called Grace.
for the rest of the day we had worship, ice breakers, games, sharing, supper..etc. the sharing & praying for each other part was fantastic. i was really encouraged by all the testimonies & experiences tt CG9 had. i had a great time getting to know all of them. they're really really nice pple.. heh. and the creation of our cheer was a really funny experience i must say... hahaha. all those crazy ideas...
slept arnd 12plus.
Day 2
woke up at arnd 7? had morn worship & message.. games.. grp bonding time.. sharing.. had this really cool activity where the leaders roleplayed as representations of pple from different pple grps eg. gays/lesbians, clubbers, pluralistics, atheist, emo.. etc, and we as a grp had to try and reach out & evangalise to all these pple. this is one of the highlights of the camp for me. this is my first time doing street-e (trial run) and i felt that it taught me the tools of how to reach out even more effectively. Limin, my grp leader, pulled me aside after that and asked me to share with the camp about how i felt about this, and what i learnt.. i almost declined cos i was really really scared, nervous and all (hundred over pple lah =S) . hahaha. but turned out real fine (although i made a few mistakes out of nervousness & was laughed at sigh) and i had a free book! thank God. supper.. card games ( w everyone ) & heart to heart talks (with wee shi and limin) till 4 plus in the morn. made more friends cos of interactions between grps & spontanous convos & mutual friends...had fun while at that.
Day 3
woke up at 6plus/7 feeling exhausted but still in high spirits.. started brainstorming for our presentation like half an hour before performance time.. some of the performances were hilarious.
ok those were the summaries. (haha got quite tired of writing them as you can tell from the diminishing length..)
Experiences.
1) my first time worshipping in a setting outside church, outside my usual comfort zone. it was a really diff worship experience - it felt abit restricted. but i could sense God's presence all the same. this camp got my exposed to fellowshipping with bros and sistas in Christ from different denominations. interacting w pple from a diversity of denominations made me think, alot. and i think God was trying to show me how impt it is for the body of Christ to stick together, and to get to understand one another better. to embrace the fact that although we have different belief systems, we share a common denominator - Jesus Christ, and a personal relationship with Him. i saw that in almost everyone i met, most of them from diff denominations. their testimonies, their intimate prayers to our Father, their openness and super nice personalities all testify to the fact that they love God, and they have a close walk with Him. it doesnt take manifestations of the Spirit or supernatural stuff to be a true blue Christian. what matters much more is the sincierity of our heart in pursuing Christ for who He is... and our desire to draw near to His side. i was greatly encouraged at the sight of this, and i felt that the Holy Spirit was trying to emphasize this truth to me using this camp. i feel that it was also rather timely that before the camp started i talked w Joel (Hannah's bf) online about the diff denominations and stuff. it sorta opened my mind up and got me thinking and sharing with him what i felt about it - that it's so impt to keep an open mind, and to build inter-denominational relationships. it's the love of Christ that binds us together :)
2) my grp was wonderful. seriously, theyre super nice pple! and our grp leaders, Limin & Joey.. I TOTALLY LOVE THEM. more meet ups coming up!!
3) evangelism. campus crusade is all about evangelism, and im so glad that the camps' emphasis was on that. so really truly glad. while the role-playing was taking place, i felt my Spirit really crying out for the saving of souls - this camp shook me to reality - the reality of millions out there who needs to know the living God. even tho it was role playing, i felt myself crying internally esp for the emo person and i think God breathed a certain hunger in me to want to do street-e. this part of my Christian life has somehow been dormant for quite awhile. although i've always been wanting and longing to just give out tracks on the street, or to do street-e with friends and all, i've never ever found the courage to & i keep thinking about the govt and stuff, and how it's banned in Sgpore, and the sensitivity about racial stuff and everything.. but im trusting God to open out opportunities for me to sow seeds into prebelievers...
all in all, this camp was an eye opener to me. in fact, uni life is rather different and new to me.. exiciting yet scary(NUS is so big + im so bad at directions = LOST) but im trusting that He was provide the next step for me (wht courses should i take..) and He will lead me to taking the right CCA too...
next up, Varsity Christian Fellowship!! :)
P.S: a shout out to Hannah - sry once again for missing your flight. am with you in Spirit. & cya soon ;)
Friday, July 3, 2009
i love this song to bits...
i sung this so much yesterday Hannah woke up this morning with the tune in her head... lol. sry Nahhan. and Joel. ha. (i knw you guys are reading this) ytd was a fab day btw. swimming... shopping at expo (was a super crazy time..)...thai express...pnp. not the activity itself.. but the people within it & God present in it.
and today's going be another fantabulous day woohoo bringin the patriotism out baby
Thursday, July 2, 2009
g'day
four grps/people asked me for ice age yesterday. Is ice age that good??!! Sigh. this pair, animation and $7.50, dont really go along well with me.
met up with agent & george & chipmunk (all undercover) yesterday for lunch @ city hall. made friends with two of chipmunk's and georges' friends. talked to the girl for abit and it was time to be off. sigh couldnt spend more time with them. but anyway the girl S asked for my number from chipmunk. she wanted to intro me to two of her other friends who are in NUS (seniors) FASS.and i just said like only one sentence to her when i met her.. haha. she's real sweet :)
i love meeting new people. that being said, i have a campus crusade camp to go to next week from mon-wed! JT and J's comin along too.. oh and Laura Or! hahaha am lookin forward to it ;)
i have a sudden urge to go cycling. or rather, to the beach. anyone interested?
met up with agent & george & chipmunk (all undercover) yesterday for lunch @ city hall. made friends with two of chipmunk's and georges' friends. talked to the girl for abit and it was time to be off. sigh couldnt spend more time with them. but anyway the girl S asked for my number from chipmunk. she wanted to intro me to two of her other friends who are in NUS (seniors) FASS.and i just said like only one sentence to her when i met her.. haha. she's real sweet :)
i love meeting new people. that being said, i have a campus crusade camp to go to next week from mon-wed! JT and J's comin along too.. oh and Laura Or! hahaha am lookin forward to it ;)
i have a sudden urge to go cycling. or rather, to the beach. anyone interested?
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
friendship
i used to believe i was right, but maybe i was blind then. mayb i had been wrong all along.
wrong, that people would easily open up, share themselves, take the time to appreciate, be willing enough to care. i refused to believe that many are the opposite of this. but what if the it was true? what if wanting to see the best in you, to concentrate on the best in you, is just plain avoidance to the fact that the things that i see as flaws walked hand in hand with your best? that it couldnt be avoided all along because it would hinder a blossoming friendship?
am i naive to think that everyone works hard to change themselves to be a better person tommorrow? to place the interests of those arnd them first? to make a good friend feel as comfortable as possible, as loved as possible... to care deeply for them as if they were jewels on a crown?
whenever i find a good friend, i find more than a diamond. i find something that is priceless. arent friends supposed to build each other up, to support each other, to share things thats laid in their heart, and never hold back?
isnt that the small print on a new page of a friendship? - to be a contributor, a confidante. fun fills the cover, yes, but secrets fill the pages, and a lock seals the lips.
right now the pages are still pretty much blank in my memory of you.
but you know what, i know you have your reasons. or mayb the feeling isnt mutual. or mayb my idea of friendship is flawed. i mean, everyone expects different things from a friendship. mayb our ideals are clashing.mayb we hav different perspectives on friendship.mayb girls see it differently. mayb you have a different way of showing care to a friend. mayb im just so wrong about this whole thing. there are so many possible reasons.but in any case, i want something real. something honest - without all the held back words and emotions. i want participation. enthusiasm keeps me going. any lack of it leaves me dying. i get my energy off people.
relationships dont grow overnight. they need to be watered, nurtured, effort has to be put in. you dont just stand by if you want a flower.
if i dont see the other hand clapping, i see no motivation to keep clapping also. because soon, i'll get exhausted. right now, i'm just rly tired. not only you. and i see tiredness as a form of something.. something slowly dying.
you said that you havent changed much. i think that was the problem - i think i wanted you to change, or at least get the hint. sigh. mayb it's just a part of you i can't accept - nonchalancy. thats why we clash.
mayb we're just too different people wanting different things.
if it really is dying, i want to tell you that.. i had good times while it lasted.
mental note: 1) i need to be more accepting. to learn to appreciate the traits found in every friend. thats what makes a friend an individual. and then, i need to learn how to live with the different traits found in different pple.
2)i need to eliminate all expectations of a friend, or i would not be loving unconditionally. if a friend has nothing to offer, would i still be a friend to that person? God, fill me up with your love, because only You can cause me to love like tht.
3)friendships are not selfish. theyre selfless. i consider me selfish writing this post.because i knw im wanting something from you.
dont change because of this. i must change instead.
Help me, Jesus.
wrong, that people would easily open up, share themselves, take the time to appreciate, be willing enough to care. i refused to believe that many are the opposite of this. but what if the it was true? what if wanting to see the best in you, to concentrate on the best in you, is just plain avoidance to the fact that the things that i see as flaws walked hand in hand with your best? that it couldnt be avoided all along because it would hinder a blossoming friendship?
am i naive to think that everyone works hard to change themselves to be a better person tommorrow? to place the interests of those arnd them first? to make a good friend feel as comfortable as possible, as loved as possible... to care deeply for them as if they were jewels on a crown?
whenever i find a good friend, i find more than a diamond. i find something that is priceless. arent friends supposed to build each other up, to support each other, to share things thats laid in their heart, and never hold back?
isnt that the small print on a new page of a friendship? - to be a contributor, a confidante. fun fills the cover, yes, but secrets fill the pages, and a lock seals the lips.
right now the pages are still pretty much blank in my memory of you.
but you know what, i know you have your reasons. or mayb the feeling isnt mutual. or mayb my idea of friendship is flawed. i mean, everyone expects different things from a friendship. mayb our ideals are clashing.mayb we hav different perspectives on friendship.mayb girls see it differently. mayb you have a different way of showing care to a friend. mayb im just so wrong about this whole thing. there are so many possible reasons.but in any case, i want something real. something honest - without all the held back words and emotions. i want participation. enthusiasm keeps me going. any lack of it leaves me dying. i get my energy off people.
relationships dont grow overnight. they need to be watered, nurtured, effort has to be put in. you dont just stand by if you want a flower.
if i dont see the other hand clapping, i see no motivation to keep clapping also. because soon, i'll get exhausted. right now, i'm just rly tired. not only you. and i see tiredness as a form of something.. something slowly dying.
you said that you havent changed much. i think that was the problem - i think i wanted you to change, or at least get the hint. sigh. mayb it's just a part of you i can't accept - nonchalancy. thats why we clash.
mayb we're just too different people wanting different things.
if it really is dying, i want to tell you that.. i had good times while it lasted.
mental note: 1) i need to be more accepting. to learn to appreciate the traits found in every friend. thats what makes a friend an individual. and then, i need to learn how to live with the different traits found in different pple.
2)i need to eliminate all expectations of a friend, or i would not be loving unconditionally. if a friend has nothing to offer, would i still be a friend to that person? God, fill me up with your love, because only You can cause me to love like tht.
3)friendships are not selfish. theyre selfless. i consider me selfish writing this post.because i knw im wanting something from you.
dont change because of this. i must change instead.
Help me, Jesus.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Happy Birthday Lyanna!
met Hannah and Joel for lunch today. Interesting lunch i had. I had great fun with you guys!!! wall/mall, cowboy on a horse, the bullet... etc.. it was memorable. thanks :) (i know you guys are reading this) then it was transformers with elnaam lyanna max and jon tan. thought that it should have had a higher rating, like NC 16 or smthing. they defn had some nasty puns.. (lol elnaam had to make it explicit) & then lyanna's birthday dinner at hotpot culture (guess how they derived tt name- one pot, different cultures) LOL. me & jon were laughing at it hard. it's amusing.
anw lyanna broke the pinnata that took super long to make... hahahha. all the newspapers & glue & hard work gone in a smash... lol.
sleepy aft the movie.. so dinner just kinda passed in a blur for me. i dont think i ate 20 bucks worth of stuff due to the 4 cups of ice lemon tea which filled me up.
yawn. tired.
anw lyanna broke the pinnata that took super long to make... hahahha. all the newspapers & glue & hard work gone in a smash... lol.
sleepy aft the movie.. so dinner just kinda passed in a blur for me. i dont think i ate 20 bucks worth of stuff due to the 4 cups of ice lemon tea which filled me up.
yawn. tired.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
agents at work.
one of the more interesting convos..
Divinia says:
joy f.
are you coming tmr.
you better be.
or i'll..
i'll..
tell CIA who you really are.
joy f. says:
you'll?
OH NO
NO, YOU WOULDNT
Divinia says:
yes.
i'll betray.
i'm sorry.
joy f. says:
that serious?!?!
Divinia says:
but i HAVE TO.
yes.
joy f. says:
you leave me no choice
Divinia says:
command from the top
joy f. says:
i mean
Divinia says:
the meeting tmr is of importance
urgent.
joy f. says:
its a matter of life and death here
Divinia says:
yes. your life.
so you better decide well.
furthermore, during your funeral, tomato juice will be split on.. your..
you knw where.(shirt)
so if you wanna look glam and die late,
come tmr.
joy f. says:
OH NO
THIS IS A TOUGH CHOICE
sry capslock was on hee
i shall betray u first! muhaha
Divinia says:
you .. you .. YOU...
you wouldnt dare
cos..
i got the tomato juice
as my weapon
for tmr.
joy f. says:
OH NO
not the dreaded thing
traumatizing experiences are returning to my memory
Divinia says:
yes. i'll torture you like tht.
so,
better not betray me
joy f. says:
no
Divinia says:
no?
so
you agree?
or disagree?
youre being very vague here agent 398273
joy f. says:
AHAA
u leave me no choice agent 12389-148-5
i hope u like my nick(evil dive)
heh
Divinia says:
i take it as dive.
i hope there's no other negative connotation to it
joy f. says:
heh
spelling error laa (evil divi)
Divinia says:
this.
spells.
WAR
joy f. says:
WAR IT SHALL BE
fine i'll go tmr
BUT
u may have won a battle, but you'll lose the war ;d
Divinia says:
stop thinking that that statement was smart.
it's .. stupid.
look at my nick (joy is evil-er than mojojojo and the brain (and pinky) and tom (and jerry))
i hope you think twice and surrender before your rep. is ruined
joy f. says:
ohMG
that is epic
Divinia says:
of course. i wrote it
joy f. says:
EPIC FAIL I MEAN
hahahha
:)
all of em are harmless lil lovable cartoon villains
Divinia says:
i'm comparing you to
childishness
=)
i'm glad you notice that
joy f. says:
eh look at mine :) (divi is more evil than george bush - btw i dont think george bush is evil leh lol)
Divinia says:
OMG.
youre..
dead.
so dead.
tmr.
so so dead
(eh joy wear a dress tmr ah)
so so dead.
i'm gna kill you and chop you to pieces
joy f. says:
what dress
thats so random LIOL
Divinia says:
lol
(shhhhh )
(this is a secret convo)
(in brackets)
joy f. says:
(i wearing skirt)
Divinia says:
(we can't let our personal friendship get in the way )
(of our line of work)
joy f. says:
(true. i love u)
I HATE YOU
BOO
Divinia says:
ME TOO.
ARGH
YOUR STUPID NICK
IT'S THE STUPIDEST THING ANYONE HAS WRITTEN
joy f. says:
HAHAH
Divinia says:
hahaha
joy f. says:
its abt u what
of cos its stupid la
-.-
(dont cry darlin g)
Divinia says:
okay fine. you win this. but be sure, i'll get my revenge..
(i dont have the heart to take revenge on you dear sweet munchkins)
joy f. says:
(awwww)
HAAA LOSER
Divinia says:
you were a loser before, let me remind you.
anw,
i'm gna head off to complete another mission
can't be bothered with your sily talk.
(i'll miss you so dear.. wish my luck)
i've got more impt stuff to do.
joy f. says:
(i cant wait to see u)
SHOO
Divinia says:
joy f.
are you coming tmr.
you better be.
or i'll..
i'll..
tell CIA who you really are.
joy f. says:
you'll?
OH NO
NO, YOU WOULDNT
Divinia says:
yes.
i'll betray.
i'm sorry.
joy f. says:
that serious?!?!
Divinia says:
but i HAVE TO.
yes.
joy f. says:
you leave me no choice
Divinia says:
command from the top
joy f. says:
i mean
Divinia says:
the meeting tmr is of importance
urgent.
joy f. says:
its a matter of life and death here
Divinia says:
yes. your life.
so you better decide well.
furthermore, during your funeral, tomato juice will be split on.. your..
you knw where.(shirt)
so if you wanna look glam and die late,
come tmr.
joy f. says:
OH NO
THIS IS A TOUGH CHOICE
sry capslock was on hee
i shall betray u first! muhaha
Divinia says:
you .. you .. YOU...
you wouldnt dare
cos..
i got the tomato juice
as my weapon
for tmr.
joy f. says:
OH NO
not the dreaded thing
traumatizing experiences are returning to my memory
Divinia says:
yes. i'll torture you like tht.
so,
better not betray me
joy f. says:
no
Divinia says:
no?
so
you agree?
or disagree?
youre being very vague here agent 398273
joy f. says:
AHAA
u leave me no choice agent 12389-148-5
i hope u like my nick(evil dive)
heh
Divinia says:
i take it as dive.
i hope there's no other negative connotation to it
joy f. says:
heh
spelling error laa (evil divi)
Divinia says:
this.
spells.
WAR
joy f. says:
WAR IT SHALL BE
fine i'll go tmr
BUT
u may have won a battle, but you'll lose the war ;d
Divinia says:
stop thinking that that statement was smart.
it's .. stupid.
look at my nick (joy is evil-er than mojojojo and the brain (and pinky) and tom (and jerry))
i hope you think twice and surrender before your rep. is ruined
joy f. says:
ohMG
that is epic
Divinia says:
of course. i wrote it
joy f. says:
EPIC FAIL I MEAN
hahahha
:)
all of em are harmless lil lovable cartoon villains
Divinia says:
i'm comparing you to
childishness
=)
i'm glad you notice that
joy f. says:
eh look at mine :) (divi is more evil than george bush - btw i dont think george bush is evil leh lol)
Divinia says:
OMG.
youre..
dead.
so dead.
tmr.
so so dead
(eh joy wear a dress tmr ah)
so so dead.
i'm gna kill you and chop you to pieces
joy f. says:
what dress
thats so random LIOL
Divinia says:
lol
(shhhhh )
(this is a secret convo)
(in brackets)
joy f. says:
(i wearing skirt)
Divinia says:
(we can't let our personal friendship get in the way )
(of our line of work)
joy f. says:
(true. i love u)
I HATE YOU
BOO
Divinia says:
ME TOO.
ARGH
YOUR STUPID NICK
IT'S THE STUPIDEST THING ANYONE HAS WRITTEN
joy f. says:
HAHAH
Divinia says:
hahaha
joy f. says:
its abt u what
of cos its stupid la
-.-
(dont cry darlin g)
Divinia says:
okay fine. you win this. but be sure, i'll get my revenge..
(i dont have the heart to take revenge on you dear sweet munchkins)
joy f. says:
(awwww)
HAAA LOSER
Divinia says:
you were a loser before, let me remind you.
anw,
i'm gna head off to complete another mission
can't be bothered with your sily talk.
(i'll miss you so dear.. wish my luck)
i've got more impt stuff to do.
joy f. says:
(i cant wait to see u)
SHOO
Friday, June 19, 2009
Dee-Hannah Day
slpover/shopping was awesome. stayed over at her grdma's place, so got to knw her grdma a lil more after chatting. and of course, Ashley!
botanics and fort canning soon, and ECP? and of course, loads and loads of Jeraldine Seah Shu Jing ;)
i'm rly glad you're back and well.
___________________________________________________________________
i've figured many things out these past few days of staying at home & reflecting... managed to scrap out the colour to cherish once again what truly lies beneath, whts so essential and important. like, the material beneath the paint, which, although is often hidden, is so vital in giving the paint it's body.
it's time to get back to the core of relationships again, the things that really build, instead of just momentary laughter. it's time to take the lives of individuals seriously. to impact, and not just to tickle.
it's time to start noticing the neglected.
botanics and fort canning soon, and ECP? and of course, loads and loads of Jeraldine Seah Shu Jing ;)
i'm rly glad you're back and well.
___________________________________________________________________
i've figured many things out these past few days of staying at home & reflecting... managed to scrap out the colour to cherish once again what truly lies beneath, whts so essential and important. like, the material beneath the paint, which, although is often hidden, is so vital in giving the paint it's body.
it's time to get back to the core of relationships again, the things that really build, instead of just momentary laughter. it's time to take the lives of individuals seriously. to impact, and not just to tickle.
it's time to start noticing the neglected.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
waiting
i wait for the summer
like a daffodil awaiting for a sunlit sky
i wait for the summer
like a cacoon struggling to finish it's phase
i wait for the summer
with a belief that winter would be kind to me
i wait for the summer
with a belief that eventually, the frost of this world would break free.
when summer comes,
snow pieces will melt to become as one; a river
when summer comes,
trees, plants, flowers will reach their full potential
in beauty, and in fruitfulness,
their processes speedily working to replenish the little that we heaved.
when summer comes,
everything is exposed
snowtops vanishing
to a permenent disclose.
truth will rejoice at the gain of it's upper hand
the glare of the sun his constant friend
but for now-
will i survive this dreadful wait?
please Lord let my character not be at stake...
like a daffodil awaiting for a sunlit sky
i wait for the summer
like a cacoon struggling to finish it's phase
i wait for the summer
with a belief that winter would be kind to me
i wait for the summer
with a belief that eventually, the frost of this world would break free.
when summer comes,
snow pieces will melt to become as one; a river
when summer comes,
trees, plants, flowers will reach their full potential
in beauty, and in fruitfulness,
their processes speedily working to replenish the little that we heaved.
when summer comes,
everything is exposed
snowtops vanishing
to a permenent disclose.
truth will rejoice at the gain of it's upper hand
the glare of the sun his constant friend
but for now-
will i survive this dreadful wait?
please Lord let my character not be at stake...
Monday, June 15, 2009
look who's back
Hannah's back!!! =) went to the airport ytd to see the Cebu pple back (AUDREY!!), ate at Sakae with a couple of pple and then waited for Hannah's arrival. tried to hide behind a wall and told gabe and laura to tell her i couldnt make it but gabe betrayed me. so operation 839284 failed. =( anw after a million hugs and after talking about the physical changes tt happened with us (she grew taller i think and i got darker) we parted ways cos by then it was rly late... almost 11. so tt ended my 8th hour at the airport.
made a new friend in the airport ytd - Kimchi! haha. gabe's gf. had a great time knowing her. felt as if we met before. she said i looked familiar.. mayb theyre a couple of me-lookalikes in town. who knws. haha.
i've been eating so much recently -methinks to recover the loss of eating at church camp when i had diahhorea- but thats not the worst news.. i've been eating junk food to recover tt loss!!! i'm now officially sick of it. Sakae was a good change.
last week was hectic! met up with pple everyday. was quite exhausting. but fun. i still have a checklist of pple i NEED to meet up with .... if only the hols were a tad bit longer. heh.
church camp was good. i hope my buddy comes back to visit and gives me dance lessons. hahah. her waltz and chacha was terrifico. but more imptly, i was so encouraged by her enthusiasm for Christ and all her experiences and everything.. she reminded me once again why i respect old pple so much - their wealth of knowledge and wisdom can't be compared to the little that youths know... it's amazing how God created this need between youths and older folks for one another. keeps us connected and makes everyone needed in the Kingdom =)
looking forward to the week ahead =)
made a new friend in the airport ytd - Kimchi! haha. gabe's gf. had a great time knowing her. felt as if we met before. she said i looked familiar.. mayb theyre a couple of me-lookalikes in town. who knws. haha.
i've been eating so much recently -methinks to recover the loss of eating at church camp when i had diahhorea- but thats not the worst news.. i've been eating junk food to recover tt loss!!! i'm now officially sick of it. Sakae was a good change.
last week was hectic! met up with pple everyday. was quite exhausting. but fun. i still have a checklist of pple i NEED to meet up with .... if only the hols were a tad bit longer. heh.
church camp was good. i hope my buddy comes back to visit and gives me dance lessons. hahah. her waltz and chacha was terrifico. but more imptly, i was so encouraged by her enthusiasm for Christ and all her experiences and everything.. she reminded me once again why i respect old pple so much - their wealth of knowledge and wisdom can't be compared to the little that youths know... it's amazing how God created this need between youths and older folks for one another. keeps us connected and makes everyone needed in the Kingdom =)
looking forward to the week ahead =)
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
last day of work!
work was AWESOME tdy. nancy and lynn gave us a treat! - pizza hut. and something happened which made tdy even more memorable, right agent 7382793? something happened on tile 839 in the pantry.
shall blog more about it soon. bye body shop, bye nancy lynn george alvin, and agent 7382793.
=(
shall blog more about it soon. bye body shop, bye nancy lynn george alvin, and agent 7382793.
=(
Sunday, May 24, 2009
yesterday
everything is beautiful, even when the tears are falling
i don't need a miracle to believe
even in the crashing down
i can hear redemption calling
everything is beautiful to me
-Starfield
only one true friend stays - Jesus.
hang in there divinia, you'll be able to get through this.
i don't need a miracle to believe
even in the crashing down
i can hear redemption calling
everything is beautiful to me
-Starfield
only one true friend stays - Jesus.
hang in there divinia, you'll be able to get through this.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
things arent always as clear-cut...
interesting article i came across.
UPDATE: Kris Allen wins American Idol; The Obama, not gay, factor
Update: Kris Allen (23) of Conway, Arkansas wins American Idol in what may be one of the biggest upsets in Idol history -- at least for most Idol pundits. Did Adam Lambert lose because he was just a bit too flamboyant, too gay or misunderstood? Perhaps, the Kris Allen American Idol win is due to something else…besides talent and it's not "The Gay Factor."Now, more than ever people want the underdog to win -- feeling doggy themselves in this economy -- they want “nice” people to take the prize and some even empathize with small town values.
No, this isn’t an anti-gay proclamation, the Kris Allen win is testament to the importance of fans, social networking and relating to an audience. Remember when President Obama was the underdog? His dedicated fans, fertilized largely on the Internet, snuck up on the competition. Additionally, the majority of citizens could better relate to Obama’s words and his persona. Obama was not the most qualified candidate by typical standards, yet he won the biggest contest on the planet -- fans plus personality ...plus message. So, it’s no surprise that the “most qualified” contestant, Adam Lambert, lost to a more likeable fella. Bad economy or not, it's an American trend. The truth is that both Kris Allen and Adam Lambert earned their esteemed standings in the American Idol contest, and either deserved to win.
Otherwise, to put the Idol winner results in perspective: when the election of a U.S. president is in large measure a popularity contest, should we expect anything less from a people’s choice talent show?
makes me ponder.
UPDATE: Kris Allen wins American Idol; The Obama, not gay, factor
Update: Kris Allen (23) of Conway, Arkansas wins American Idol in what may be one of the biggest upsets in Idol history -- at least for most Idol pundits. Did Adam Lambert lose because he was just a bit too flamboyant, too gay or misunderstood? Perhaps, the Kris Allen American Idol win is due to something else…besides talent and it's not "The Gay Factor."Now, more than ever people want the underdog to win -- feeling doggy themselves in this economy -- they want “nice” people to take the prize and some even empathize with small town values.
No, this isn’t an anti-gay proclamation, the Kris Allen win is testament to the importance of fans, social networking and relating to an audience. Remember when President Obama was the underdog? His dedicated fans, fertilized largely on the Internet, snuck up on the competition. Additionally, the majority of citizens could better relate to Obama’s words and his persona. Obama was not the most qualified candidate by typical standards, yet he won the biggest contest on the planet -- fans plus personality ...plus message. So, it’s no surprise that the “most qualified” contestant, Adam Lambert, lost to a more likeable fella. Bad economy or not, it's an American trend. The truth is that both Kris Allen and Adam Lambert earned their esteemed standings in the American Idol contest, and either deserved to win.
Otherwise, to put the Idol winner results in perspective: when the election of a U.S. president is in large measure a popularity contest, should we expect anything less from a people’s choice talent show?
makes me ponder.
plonk-a-bonka-bingk
one bad side effect of cooking - my hands still smell like marinated chicken wings even after many soap washing events. it'll be interesting to see how long will the smell linger on...
i dreamt that i bought a nikon d40 for $48 at smthing like a pasar malam. i wanted a d60 but the price was like $100plus and i had not consulted my parents on it yet. but anyway, i was super happy after that. more things happened after that though.. so the dream ended with me being confused. ask me personally if you want more details on how this strange dream ended.
was watching AMI last night. their singing didnt blow me away. like, it didnt feel as if they were performing for the finale. wasnt as good as other years. ah well, mayb my expectations were just too high, or mayb i was upset when Gokey got out. or mayb, i'm just getting tired of AMI. ha.
am in the process of learning all the chords possible on a piano now, and am writing the theory down. ( eg, what a dominant 7 is ) am getting all the info off the internet.. lol. after that i'll try to insert some of it into different songs so that the knowledge would be of practical use and i'll get started with jazz. hope i can at least finish learning the chords for jazz in time, before uni starts. if i have extra time mayb i'll start learning more of guitar scales and stuff off the internet. ha. i actually don't use the internet much for learning and reading... i dont even use Google & You tube often. but nowadays i'm beginning to embrace the internet more... it's a good source for equipping yourself i realise. i was very extremely relationship-oriented, and i think i still am. but am trying to balance myself by being task-oriented as well. i'll never get to improving myself if i dont work on getting to my goals.
fyi, i dont bother to change the date and time of my posts so the timing of my posts are always inaccurate. mayb i should start to make an effort. what say you? okay that was a stupid thing state since it's such a small matter. hahahhaha. it hardly makes any diff!
wheeeeee i got tmr offf =D woohoo.
oh and fyi - Kris won. :)
i dreamt that i bought a nikon d40 for $48 at smthing like a pasar malam. i wanted a d60 but the price was like $100plus and i had not consulted my parents on it yet. but anyway, i was super happy after that. more things happened after that though.. so the dream ended with me being confused. ask me personally if you want more details on how this strange dream ended.
was watching AMI last night. their singing didnt blow me away. like, it didnt feel as if they were performing for the finale. wasnt as good as other years. ah well, mayb my expectations were just too high, or mayb i was upset when Gokey got out. or mayb, i'm just getting tired of AMI. ha.
am in the process of learning all the chords possible on a piano now, and am writing the theory down. ( eg, what a dominant 7 is ) am getting all the info off the internet.. lol. after that i'll try to insert some of it into different songs so that the knowledge would be of practical use and i'll get started with jazz. hope i can at least finish learning the chords for jazz in time, before uni starts. if i have extra time mayb i'll start learning more of guitar scales and stuff off the internet. ha. i actually don't use the internet much for learning and reading... i dont even use Google & You tube often. but nowadays i'm beginning to embrace the internet more... it's a good source for equipping yourself i realise. i was very extremely relationship-oriented, and i think i still am. but am trying to balance myself by being task-oriented as well. i'll never get to improving myself if i dont work on getting to my goals.
fyi, i dont bother to change the date and time of my posts so the timing of my posts are always inaccurate. mayb i should start to make an effort. what say you? okay that was a stupid thing state since it's such a small matter. hahahhaha. it hardly makes any diff!
wheeeeee i got tmr offf =D woohoo.
oh and fyi - Kris won. :)
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
smthing i found from Nam's blog..
I consider that a man’s brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. A fool takes in all the lumber of every sort that he comes across, so that the knowledge which might be useful to him gets crowded out, or at best is jumbled up with a lot of other things, so that he has a difficulty in laying his hands upon it. Now the skillful workman is very careful indeed as to what he takes into his brain-attic. He will have nothing but the tools which may help him in doing his work, but of these he has a large assortment, and all in the most perfect order. It is a mistake to think that that little room has elastic walls and can distend to any extent. Depend upon it there comes a time when for every addition of knowledge you forget something that you knew before. It is of the highest importance, therefore, not to have useless facts elbowing out the useful ones.
- Sherlock Holmes
- Sherlock Holmes
vege & sardines (onions tomato sauce) & honey glazed chicken wings w/ rice
my first attempt at cooking, after a very long while -approx two months? i must keep this up for the sake of survival & future cost saving. plus, it's fun =) it's funny how i love making sandwhiches now too. am gna buy ciabatta bread tmr from freshly baked.
and, i found out grocery shopping is the best way to perk you up/stress relief.
i love this.
my first attempt at cooking, after a very long while -approx two months? i must keep this up for the sake of survival & future cost saving. plus, it's fun =) it's funny how i love making sandwhiches now too. am gna buy ciabatta bread tmr from freshly baked.
and, i found out grocery shopping is the best way to perk you up/stress relief.
i love this.
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